God hated Christmas. Usually, he locked himself away from all human contact while the rest of the “Christian” world would celebrate the brat’s birthday. It wasn’t even the right day, God would remark to himself. The world celebrated late by one month and five days.

God sat in his large home, currently hidden from human eyes, and he read. It had been just another year, that of 1598, for God. Nothing truly significant seemed to have happened over the last century, God thought as he mused over approach of the last year of the century.

God had grown weary of people getting so interested in him so late in the game. All the other deities seemed to be disappearing, but not God. He just wanted to be left alone. He found that through the century he had been keeping himself busier and busier with scrolls and books and not really venturing out as much as he used to enjoy.

He pulled from the basement library a scroll. He had read it before, but it was one that he really enjoyed, and he had been meaning to look over again. No one wrote scrolls like the people of Atlantis, God thought sadly. It really had been a pity that the whole island had been sunk. God really believed that it was all just a bit over the top, even for Poseidon.

God shook his head as he looked at the scroll in his hands. Tea. He wanted tea.

The people of Atlantis loved to eat dolphin meat. It was a dolphin that eventually became the doom of the island. When Poseidon came to the Earth with all the other deities, he found that he really found more of an interest with the aquatic mammals than those descending from the apes. So, he took the form of a whale and took to the seas. He quickly became a god of the water known by all the creatures of the deep.

God smiled at the last conversation he’d had with Poseidon before he became a whale. “I just don’t see these humans ever doing much. They really seem stupid.”

God had chuckled to himself over that one. “You and Lucifer. You both seem to think that these humans are worthless. Their’s lot’s of good they could do.”

“But will they?” Poseidon asked.

Many of the deities liked Atlantis. It was the most advanced city in the world, and therefore had the best gambling and drinking to be found. Lucifer himself was celebrating with the people of Atlantis when Poseidon took his revenge on the people of the island.

Poseidon had been a lot like Lucifer in some respects. He truly absorbed the form he took with not just the facade but the passions and desires of the form as well. Poseidon was migrating when he met a dolphin that he fell in love with. He saw her from afar, and he changed form as to not frighten her. (Most dolphins were apt to flee in terror when a four hundred foot whale would come at them.)

They talked and played for hours. She was amazing, and Poseidon fell in love with her. It was nearly a year after they had been together when they decided to watch the “Festival of Lights” at Atlantis. What neither of them knew was that the “Festival of Lights” was best celebrated with roasted dolphin, according to the people of Atlantis. So wrapped up Poseidon was in the fireworks the Chinese had brought, that he missed a boat the took the life of his lover. He could feel her life pass into oblivion, he was so connected. When he saw her body with the others of the catch, he became blinded by anger. He shouted his anger to the water and the island. Atlantis sank into the water and was gone forever.

God wondered what had happened to Poseidon. They had been friends eons ago, but since the whole Atlantis affair, none of the deities ever heard or saw him again. God wondered if he was still in the sea, or if he left and was wondering the Earth.

God took the scroll to his favorite chair and began to read as he sipped the tea that had been nice enough to pop into existence when God wanted it.

God was so intensely focused on his reading that Lucifer had to knock several times before just popping into the room where God was reading by the fire.

God was startled when the silence was suddenly broken in half by Lucifer saying, “God, you really need a cleaning lady.”

God shook his head as he set the scroll down. “Lucifer, I swear. If I were a human, I’d have had a heart attack.”

Lucifer laughed as he took a seat opposite God. It was there for that express purpose, since no one else really came to visit God.

Not that God really wanted visitors. His social days were in his past, he reasoned.

“Happy Christmas!” Lucifer said, knowing what a rise it always got out of God to remind him of that mistake of a child.

God made a simple gesture and shook his head. “That boy... what a mess he made.”

“I told you,” Lucifer chided. “I knew I should have just pushed him off that cliff.”

God nodded. “Took him long enough to get crucified. Guess I should have taken care of that when he started the whole ‘I’m the son of God’ thing. I just figured it would be a phase he’d grow out of, but no! He wouldn’t shut up about it. I finally just had to put an end to the whole mess.”

“Why crucifixion, though,” Lucifer asked, curious about God’s use of something so cruel.

God shrugged with a smile. “I wanted him to suffer and be humiliated. He was such an embarrassment.”

Lucifer shrugged. “Well, either way, you should forget about that and come join me for the evening. Parties. Lot’s of good drink. These creatures really only bring out the good stuff for this holiday.”

God shrugged. “Any other holiday, I would surely say yes. Today, no. Not this stupid holiday. I don’t think I could stomach humans celebrating that mistake’s birth.”

Lucifer shrugged. “Okay, but I couldn’t help but get you something.”

“What?”

“You know, a gift for the holiday,” Lucifer explained. “It’s kind of a tradition with the humans.”

“Great. Wonder where that will lead?” God said, frustrated about the who ordeal.

Lucifer laughed. “These simple creatures and their stupid ideas. They’ll forget this one by next century as well.”

Lucifer pulled a box from the air under his chair. He handed it to God and sat back smiling. He had a strangely satisfied look on his face that made God really curious. He looked at the box and began to unwrap the festive paper. Something moved inside the box and made a small whimpering sound.

“Come on, God,” Lucifer prompted as God stopped to look curiously at the box.

God unwrapped the box and opened the lid. Inside was a little yellow puppy that stared up at the deity with big brown eyes. It made a slight whimpering noise at it wagged it’s tail and reached with it’s paws to the edge of the box. It reached up enough to set it’s soft head on it’s paws as it looked out of the box at God.

“What is this for?” God wondered as he looked at the little puppy.

“It’s a pup,” Lucifer explained. “Keep it as a pet. It’ll grow up and be a dog.”

“But why?” God asked as he looked at the innocent face of the little creature.

“Because you need something aside from books, God,” Lucifer chided. “You need to have something that will interest you. Seriously, God, what else have you done? No one has seen you in almost two months. Your little shut in sessions have gotten longer and longer every year around this time.”

God shrugged. He put the box on the floor and picked the puppy up out of the box. “What do I do with it?”

“Well, feed it and water it, firstly. You don’t want to let it die. Then, teach it to do things like fetch sticks, or hunt ducks. It’s your dog, do what you want with it.” Lucifer smiled. “I think it’ll be good for you. Maybe you’ll remember what it was like to take care of something and come out of your shell a bit more and have a little fun in this world again.”

God looked into the puppy’s big, brown eyes and felt a strange desire to touch the things nose to his own, but he refrained and instead placed the animal in his lap. “Thanks, I guess,” God said as he involuntarily began stroking the pup.

Lucifer smiled with the thought that he had done good for his best friend. “Well, I have a few other stops to make. You know, you may wish to come along. I’m supposed to appear at a thing these people are having in my honor. Course, most of the people think I’m not real, but with a bit of some earthquake and fire, it aught to be a good show. Interested?”

God sighed as he looked at his new puppy. “I think I’ll just stay in tonight. I’ll stop out sometime later, though. Still have a game of cards to play.”

With that said, Lucifer said his fare-the-well, and God was left alone with his new pet. God picked up the puppy after he knew he was alone and rubbed his nose on the puppy’s nose, and it was a strangely satisfying act.

The puppy grew fast. God fed it well with a food that he created that seemed to work well and didn’t kill the puppy. God had the puppy for almost a month when he realized that it should have a name. He named it Alpha because it seemed a good name for a dog.

Alpha was a good dog, and God liked it well enough as it grew up to an adult dog over the next few months. God found himself walking out in the world with his dog. He took it to see the world, and he would find himself tossing sticks for Alpha to retrieve, but God felt that it just wasn’t really that great to have a dog.

There was one thing that Alpha never did that God could see as being a bother. The thing did not talk. God wanted to converse with the animal. He gave it the gift of speech with humans in hopes that it would be the missing thing that would have made the dog what God really wanted.

Alpha woke from it’s nap that it had been taking when God gave it the gift. Alpha stretched. He went to God who was reading and laid his head on God’s thigh and sighed. “I need to take a leak,” Alpha said to his own utter surprise.

God looked down at his dog and smiled.

“Did I just...?” Alpha wondered aloud. “How? What am I doing?”

God patted Alpha’s head as he stood up. “I made you be able to talk.”

“Really?” Alpha said excitedly. His tail wagged rapidly. “Thanks! This is great! Wow! Now I can say all the things I’ve always wanted to say! You going to take me out to take a leak? Cause I really need to go. I just got up from my nap, and I felt like I needed to go and take a leak. I was going to wine until you saw me, and then I was going to run to the door and back until you got the point, but now I can just tell you! Wow, this is so amazingly good! I’m so happy about this because I can tell you that I want to eat next. And then, can we go for a long walk? Or maybe another nap? I don’t know. I guess I can think about it. Or the stick thing. Yeah, let’s do the stick thing! You know, where you throw it and tell me run and get it? I like that game. We should come up with more games. I know, we can race to somewhere, or chase horses, or something. Do you want to chase things? I want to chase a cat. Can we chase a cat? Why are you looking at me like that? I really still need to go out and pee. Can we do that now? Because I really...”

“Alpha!” God said, silencing his dog.

“What?” Alpha asked.

“Shut up,” God said.

“But there’s so much to say.”

God went to the door and opened it. “Go for a walk. I’m going to stay here and take a nap.”

“Okay,” Alpha said as he walked past God. “I didn’t realize you took naps in the middle of the day too. You should take naps all the time so you can stay up with me and we could play all night and just nap when we get tired!”

God shut the door, but he could hear that Alpha just kept on talking. With a sigh, he took the dog’s gift away. Alpha was able to talk for less then three minutes, and God had gotten sick of it.

That night, God realized that he wasn’t enjoying the dog so much. It was really high maintenance, God figured after having to give it the third bath that week because it went chasing a skunk. The thing always seemed to need to go outside. Even human pets were easier to keep than the dog.

God had sent the dog out early in the day. He was sitting there reading and forgetting the dog when there was a knock at the door.

“Where’s the dog?” Lucifer asked as he stepped inside.

“Out somewhere,” God said with a sigh.

Lucifer looked at his friend with sad realization and asked, “You not liking your pet?”

God shrugged. “I guess the dog just isn’t for me.”

Lucifer shrugged. “Well, that’s how it goes. You wanna come with me? Going into Egypt for the day. Ra’s having a bit of a party. Interested? Been a while since we cruised the Nile, huh?”

God had been cooped up with only the Dog long enough that the prospect of getting away was just what he needed. “Sure.”

“Great,” Lucifer said as they headed out to Egypt.

Ra welcomed his old friends warmly as he toured them around the Nile city he was living in. “Things have been fairly quiet for me, really,” he explained. “I still have a few who believe in me. Mostly just real wackos who are obsessed, but that’s enough for me these days. Besides, the whole mask thing was getting really old.”

“Hear much from Bast these days?” Lucifer asked.

“She went to that other continent. You remember, the one we all just left alone?”

Lucifer nodded. “I heard that the rest of the world has just found it and are claiming it.”

“Yeah, that’s the deal,” Ra confirmed. “She went over to see what the people we left alone turned out like. To be honest, I think she’s been feeling like we messed the humans up a little.”

Lucifer shrugged. “They messed themselves up, really.”

“Yeah,” God said with a shrug. “Just look at my son. The damage he started is still snowballing. Who knows what all the world will suffer yet because of that stupid brat!”

“Yes, well, let’s not think of things like that,” Ra said joyously. “I bid you welcome to my home. Please, do not hesitate to enjoy everything I have to offer!”

Ra opened a door to a large hall that took them from the street into a beautiful palace where girls danced in silks, and musicians played instruments of gold and silver. There were deities that God hadn’t spoken to since arriving on the planet, and humans that seemed wise beyond their years. The party was complimented with foods from all over the world cooked in spices most humans had not found uses for yet.

The party lasted late into the evening. God, drunk and stumbling around, found himself sitting on a couch of pillows sewn of silk and stuffed with goose down. It was then, as he looked up into the gilded scroll work of the ceiling, that a small creature came and curled into God’s lap. God looked down at the thing as it looked up at him expectantly. He was obliged to pet the creature, and it made a noise that filled God with bliss. About an hour later, his host came along and God asked what was in his lap.

“It’s a cat,” Ra explained.

“I want one,” God said. He thought of his dog at home, and he realized that Alpha just wasn’t the pet for him. He, in his drunken reasoning, had to have a cat.

He left the party in search for one. He found a small boy who had a basket with several young cats in it. God gave the boy a sack of gold, and he took home with him a small white and black cat.

He stumbled through his door, still drunk, and looked around for his dog. Alpha was missing, but God could care less. He went to his bedroom and the small cat fell asleep on his chest, purring, as God passed out from too much drink.

In the morning, Alpha was missing, but now God had a cat. He fed it and sighed at himself. He wasn’t too sure about the cat thing. Did he really want a cat? He wasn’t sure if it was such a good idea to just replace the dog, but God reasoned that he could keep the thing for a while and decide later if he really wanted the thing.

He received a letter from Lucifer some time later that week. Lucifer felt bad for giving God the dog, and he took the animal off God’s hands. As it turned out, Lucifer had explained, Lucifer found the dog delightful, so he kept it.

God enjoyed the cat. It would play from time to time, and it liked to chase string. Mostly, it would sleep in God’s lap as he read. God liked the creature immensely, and one day decided to see what would happen if it could talk as Alpha did.

The cat woke up, stretched, said nothing as it leapt up to go eat. In fact, it didn’t actually say a word until it came back and curled up in God’s lap again. It said, “Thanks, man,” as it began to purr again.

God smiled. The cat was much more what god wanted, and he finally named it Omega.
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